At almost 26, I still don’t have life figured out, and I’ve come to accept that I might never have it all figured out. Moreover, I find that actually exciting.
Recently, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what I have figured out over the past 10 years (it’s kind of weirding me out that I can actually remember things from 10 years ago because I don’t feel old enough to). While I can’t complain at all about where I am in life, having these nuggets of knowledge at 16 would have definitely made it easier to get to where I am today.
Now if only I could get that time machine to work…
- People will talk. Let them. Whether it’s true or not, does it matter? Own up to it; you haven’t done anything to feel ashamed for. And if it isn’t true, who cares? You and the people most important to you know who you are.
- Follow your passions, not the crowd. Sometimes, you’ll feel this thing dubbed “FOMO” or fear of missing out. But, what are you missing? You’ll likely regret dropping something you love for something you only sort of like so you can spend time with friends who may or may not be your friends in 5 years.
- Never stop writing. Remember that story you wrote in 7th grade, or those poems you published? Writing is something you love to do. It’s your creative outlet. Regardless of whether you’re scared to share your writings, think something is poorly written, or whatever excuse you can come up with, don’t stop. For that matter, keep singing loudly and out of tune too. Especially in the shower.
- Pick one thing to be good at and stop trying to be perfect at everything. Right now, you are a Jack of All Trades. And, while there’s nothing wrong with being okay at a few things or knowledgeable at many things, after a while, you’ll wear yourself thin. Pick something you love to do and be the best at it. Add some variety every now and then to your routine, but don’t get frustrated when you suck at something. Just give your best effort, that’s all you can ask of yourself.
- Don’t feel badly for saying no. It’s okay to set boundaries and it’s okay to disappoint people. If you really don’t want to do something, 9 times out of 10 you don’t have to (cleaning your room when your parents ask you is one thing you can’t get out of). If you’re overbooked or overworked, seriously, it’s okay to say no. There’s no need to be Superwoman and try to do it all. Listen to your gut on this one.
- Don’t say no because of a boy. You’ll be tempted to. You’ll find yourself comfortable in your relationships and won’t want to rock the boat. The right man will compromise with you, travel the world with you, and support you unconditionally as you challenge yourself and chase your dreams. He will encourage you to keep learning, keep bettering yourself, and to have a life outside of your relationship. Don’t forget to reciprocate.
- Not everyone will like you. Sure, you think you’re the coolest, funniest person you know, but not everyone will click with you. Not every friend’s friend will get your humor. Not every mom will like you dating her son. Not every colleague will see your worth. And that’s okay. Side note, don’t change in hopes that someone will like you.
- Have an opinion and know when to voice it. You’re a smart, sometimes stubborn young woman. You’re well educated, and you will continue to educate yourself on topics you care about. Form an opinion. Know how to articulate and debate that opinion. Don’t keep your mouth closed when you’re scared of being outnumbered or alone. But, also know when to shut up and listen.
- You don’t know everything. You think you do, especially at 16. And no, as much as you like to think it, you’re not always right. Keep asking questions, investigating, learning, and most importantly listening.
- You’re going to change your mind, a lot. Remember when you loved pink and then decided blue was way better? It happens as you get older too. Tastes change, people change. Learn to admit when you’ve changed your mind.
- You don’t always have to agree with your parents, but you do have to respect them. You’re living a very different life than they lived, due to technology, opportunity and location. They’ve worked hard and learned a lot to get where they are. But, they also raised you to think for yourself (and sometimes, they might be kicking themselves in the butt because of it). Be smart about phrasing your point-of-view, and don’t forget where they’re coming from.
- Failing one six weeks of Honors Algebra 2 was a good thing. I hope you learned what failure tasted like. You’ll fail more likely than not in life—that’s how you keep learning and growing. Remember though, failing does not give you a pass to give up.
- Know when to ask for help. Yes, I know you’re independent and strong-willed. But knowing when to ask for help and asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It’s actually a sign of strength. Remember that you don’t know everything, so how can you possibly know how to do everything?
- Love your body. Okay, this one is hard, and it has been hard since we were fairly young. Your weight will yo-yo, a lot, for various reasons. Crash dieting is not the answer. Neither is eating your emotions. Finding the healthy balance of exercising and eating properly will work to an extent, but you have to learn to love that most jeans will fit your rear-end and not your waist. Your hair won’t always fall the way you want. And, your face might be a bit more pimply than normal. Accept your body the way it is. You’ll feel better, and people will accept you for who you are.
- Love with all your heart. Your heart is going to be broken, shattered really. Even more so than the heartbreak you’re experiencing right now with your first boyfriend. And you too will break someone’s heart. But, never stop loving people with all of your being. Showing someone what it’s like to be loved can have more of an impact than you realize. The alternative of building walls to keep people out will also keep the right man out. Stay vulnerable, let yourself fall in love, and don’t be afraid of being hurt. One day, this will pay off.
- Let it go. And finally, learn when to let it go. Things outside of your control? Let it go. That relationship that ended, sourly or otherwise? Let it go. The friendship that’s dragging you down? Let it go. You spend so much time worrying about things you can’t control or change, and for what? To have anxiety attacks and fits of crying? Does that really sound like how you want to spend your time? Once you learn to just let it go, your world will open up and the opportunities you’ll find are limitless.
What are some things you wish you knew at 16?
Brittany McGee 